Your Friendly Philosopher & Guide

May 02, 2008

Am I bad tempered?

I think I am a bit bad tempered. I guess all knew it long back, but then I realized it very recently. In normal conditions – I love peace, I like humor and I always try to greet and smile first. I love to have a wholesome laughter too. But then there are few things that trigger the animal in me instantaneously, and I try to behave nasty. I don’t hate people at all. But then I hate few attitudes they carry. I stick to what Jesus Christ beautifully said in this context – Hate the sin and not the sinner!

Just today, I had a fight with one of clients. She consulted me few months ago, and I had predicted a ‘job’ for her between March 2008 and June 2008. For couple of months she has been coming online on yahoo messenger. She would send me loads of messages, and also type all her life’s problems in spite of me saying (BRB) ‘be right back.’ She in fact wasn’t concerned whether I am listening or not – she just needed a psychological pillow where in she can throw all her mental garbage!

June 2008 isn’t over as yet hence my prediction has more time to come true. I cannot do anything, if the client hurries for the prediction to manifest faster. I am not God. Even God takes time to give you what you need. He doesn’t make you run, when you are born. And he doesn’t give you a baby the next day after your marriage.

I always kept replying to her, as I never wanted to make her feel bad. And also I don’t charge extra money for my time like most other astrologers do. I am always good to sincere seekers, but would hate if someone wants to act smart or take me for granted.

Suddenly today, she asked me to check her bhukti and antaras once again so that she might have luck to get a job earlier. On top that she said – she knows astrology, and she just wanted a second opinion from me.

Who am I to hate people who know astrology? And who am I to feel bad if someone else knows astrology? But my concern is simple – if you know astrology, then don’t try to teach other astrologer about what you know. Astrological discussion is healthy. I agree. But it is different from astrological consultation. You pay and seek other astrologer’s help, because you are unable to decipher your problem – so better to consult him with a blank mind and mouth shut. In fact the astrologer is least interested to know or understand about what you have gained after reading few books on astrology available at the railway station, which you bought just before catching the train.

The result of this incident - I blocked her on Yahoo messenger, and thought about putting up some rules you can follow when you want to consult me.

Posted by Kenni at 04:10 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2008

IPL – Indian ‘porkhel’ League

Due to limited time the match overs were reduced to 5. The toss was put. They didn’t have a coin, and hence the ‘in or out’ method was used. (I never knew this particular system still existed after nearly 2 decades I stopped playing cricket. We would place a small stone in our hand, close it and whirl the hand and either keep the stone inside or let it go. The other team should say whether the stone is in or out). They won the toss, and like any other team elected to bat first. There were 4 members in one team, and 4 on the opposite already and I happened to be the 9th person. So the boys decided to make me play double sided – meaning I will bowl, bat and field from both the sides!

The first team scored 30 runs in 5 overs, out of which I had hit a six. And the second team got out scoring just 10 runs, leaving me as the last man. The rules were the same – no runs behind the stumps, you are out if the ball goes into others’ compound wall, you can hit 4 & 6 only straight, and there was no ‘current’ run outs. I hit 1 six and 3 fours, and got bowled when the score was 28, hence we lost the match by 2 runs. The boys were happy with my performance, and at end of the match they said, “ellarum sendu uncle ku oru ‘O’ podunge. (Meaning three cheers to uncle).

Well this match happened just yesterday. Out of the guys only I was 33 years old, and rest of the boys were less than 15 or just 15 years old!

This match reminded me of a thought-provoking lesson we had in our Marathi syllabus during our school days. The name of the lesson was ‘Porkhel’ - which means (por) Kid’s (Khel) Play. It was a beautiful lesson where the author while coming back from office, instead of going home directly, stops to watch a street cricket match. He gets so engrossed in the match that he is left clueless about who spat chewed pan on his shirt! He feels a lot confused, and starts thinking whether what he did was right or wrong. He explains how important ‘porkhel’ is in human life sighting few interesting examples too.

We are so busy in our jobs that we hardly have the time to play. We have become stern, tight and lifeless. We work all through the week to rest at home on weekends. We take huge home loans – and never stay there. We have credit cards, and half the times worry about repayments. We have investments in insurance plans – which comes back only to pay our hospital bills in oldage.

The rich are members of elite clubs and play all through the day, as they have others who work for them. The poor have their own way of enjoying life. The sufferers are the poor middleclass who aspire to become rich – someday, and in the process MISS the life completely!

When young I had energy, people and place to play – but never had the money to buy cricket accessories. Today I have the energy, place to place and also the money for accessories – but there are no people around to play. And tomorrow – I will have people around to play, I will have the money for accessories, I might have place to play also – but no energy to play!

So let us team up, and at least play on weekends to start with!

Posted by Kenni at 05:59 AM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2008

Thinking of committing suicide? Ask me how to!

The year was 2000 AD. One of my friends was about to be ditched by his girl friend. He said he wants to commit suicide. I said perfectly fine. I knew another friend of mine whose mother was a psychiatric patient. She used to have a particular medicine in the nights to sleep the whole night without any breaks. It is a simple logic. She had just one teaspoon of it and it you have the whole bottle – you surely will sleep for whole of your life. My friend agreed, but then he never gave me the money to buy it. The friend is still alive, and will get married this year probably.

There is this particular organization called Snehaindia.org, which thinks they help people against committing suicides. Once we had organized a live chat with one of the representatives of ‘Sneha’ at Sify. Neither the person was a smart-looking movie celebrity nor was a skimpily dressed movie heroine. Hence I was made to co-ordinate with him. The chat was on, and questions started pouring like rains in Chennai.

*I don’t have a proper job - I want to commit suicide
*I don’t look good – I want to commit suicide
*My wife isn’t supportive – I want to commit suicide
*There is a dark permanent mark on my elbow – I want to commit suicide

And the poor guy kept repeating the same sentence - just talk to people, friends and relatives around you, and you will feel better. If nothing helps, reach our office for some counseling. After a while he stopped dictating, and I kept typing.

The thought of committing suicide comes to each and every one of us. But who has the guts to do it is a different story altogether. Rajini Kanth wanted to commit suicide once, and even I was hovering around with a strip of sleeping tablets in my pocket when I was 21. I had a good lunch, felt better, and threw the strip – and I am still alive.

I have noticed a strange phenomenon that people who ‘think’ about ending their lives never commit suicide. Suicide happens in a ‘thoughtless’ state of mind, when you indeed are running a very bad period astrologically. It isn’t true that only cowards commit suicides, or depressed people commit suicide – I have seen people with impressive confidence levels ending their lives in spur of a moment.

One of my aunts was a very dominating, aggressive and a confident person. People would have agreed if they she had killed someone, but they could not digest that she ended her life instead. She never had any plans to commit suicide. And there was no reason either. Another aunt of mine had delivered a child just that particular day, and this aunt visited her in the hospital, and came back home with a promise that she will come with the lunch. She went home, had a small fight with her husband, and got herself charred through self-immolation.

In another incident my mother in law (MIL) and her neighbour had planned to go for a movie once. She collected the money from my MIL and went to the theatre to get the tickets. It was getting late, and that lady never came back. My MIL went to her house to check, and she was hanging under the fan with tickets in her hands! My MIL was carrying then, and had a miscarriage at her 6th month of pregnancy.

There is another cadre where in people just try to make someone understand that they are capable of committing suicide, while they really don’t want to. And sometimes they just want to try committing suicide for the heck of it. These are the people who are the dangerous lot, where in they escape few attempts accidentally, and die when they really don’t want to. They get saved when they are running a good time, and their effort backfires mostly the 3rd time, when they least expect it.

So can you save someone from committing suicide? Not really. Statistics say – every 5 minutes, someone, somewhere in India attempts suicide, making suicide, the third major cause of death. And nothing can be done about it.

And the people who torture you with their depression, problems, and their idea of putting an end to their lives – allow them. Don’t waste your time in making them understand the futility of death, instead help them with the best possible way to commit suicide. Take my word – they will never take a step forward. And never ever think that you can save someone from dying. People won’t die when the time hasn’t come, and none can save them when the time has come. It is all in the divine plan!

Posted by Kenni at 07:38 AM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2008

Will the recession affect ‘you’ astrologically?

Faced with a challenging business environment in the wake of the *US sub-prime crisis –

*Software major Oracle has pared down annual salary hikes.
*IBM – cuts down employee perks, and withdraws fringe benefits offered to its middle management - which included free-housing facility.
*Wipro – likely to go for an 8-10 % hike this year against 12-13 % in 2007-2008.
*Infosys – offshore employees will get an 11-13 % wage hike this year, compared to 12-15 % last year. (Source – The Economic Times, dated 25th, April, 2008)

Well that was anyone’s guess, and it is a rule of life too. What grows too fast comes down faster. This funda remains the same for all industries - right from agriculture to dot com to IT. And this time the universal rule has hit the IT industry. So will things move from bad to worse – then the answer is a direct ‘yes’ – astrologically.

Now the million-dollar question is - will American recession affect ‘YOU’ personally? And the million-dollar answer is - it completely depends upon your individual horoscope. Might sound funny, but it is true….

Well here is an example. Tiruppur, the place I was born, grew as the largest exporter of knitted garments 2 decades ago. Few people worked towards it and made it big. And when their success stories spread all around, all the rich people in and around Tiruppur pounced into the business. It resulted in 5 companies every single street. Producing garment became a cottage industry, and even housewives were seen contributing immensely to the industry.

It grew very fast, and the recession followed. Many companies were shut down, and people thought it was all over - but ‘no.’ Tiruppur even today is an international hub for knitted garment. What is the reason? Why didn’t recession put an end to all the companies? The answer is - in times of economic troubles – people running bad times are wiped off automatically, and people running a good time astrologically keep doing well in spite of dreadful external factors!

So if you want to know whether you are running a good time or a bad time, whether you will lose your job or prosper, or you will come back to India or fly abroad – consult a good astrologer.

The star in the first line of the blog isn’t ‘Conditions Apply’ but….

*I mentioned that particular term deliberately for people who still think that India is developing. It is simple logic that no country would develop, whose natural resources aren’t strong, and whose export revenue isn’t bigger than import revenues. And no country will ever develop whose salary structure depends upon other country’s economy.

PS – while writing this particular blog, I got a call from one of my clients (an ex-Expressite), who mentioned that The Indian Express Group (South Edition) does a horoscope reading of the probable candidate before recruiting them. They have a panel of astrologers who would say whether the candidate would bring good luck to the company or not. Dear readers – please keep it a secret!

Posted by Kenni at 06:15 AM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2008

Bottled Water – A Fashion Statement!

Without asking me when the hotel servers place bottles of mineral water on my table thinking I would not refuse to accept it - I ask them to take it off immediately and make them bring me ‘saadaa’ (plain) water to drink. I know he might feel that I don’t belong to the elite upwardly moving rich people as yet - but then I don’t care. I think it is a duty of any eatery or hotels to first provide clean drinking water free – even without asking. And if they insist us to buy bottled water for hygiene purpose – then it surely means that there own water isn’t clean enough. If water isn’t clean, how could we expect their food to be clean?

These days in many hotels and restaurants I notice that they don’t provide plain water, and / or deliberately delay serving plain water. They just want you to buy chilled bottled water even if you don’t want to. In fact they serve bottled water much faster.

A couple of decades back it was supposed to be a good joke. People would sarcastically comment about a stingy businessman that – he wouldn’t even mind to sell water! But today it is a reality. Now I will tell you a joke – you will have to buy fresh air to breath in near future!

I think Indian government, which shamelessly collects hefty water tax from every household should assure each and every individual that their water is pure enough to drink - so that people stop suspecting the purity of it, and avoid investing in costly water purifiers. If the government isn’t in a position to provide clean drinking water in spite of charging us the tax – then it is high time we fucked the government itself.

My conviction for non-usage of bottled drinking water became stronger after reading this particular interview of Shekhar Kapur published on few Internet sites. After reading this thought provoking interview I have decided today – that I won’t buy bottled drinking water ever in my life!

I want to rekindle the anger through my films: Shekhar Kapur

Mumbai, April 1 (IANS): After winning over the West with his two Elizabethan sagas, Shekhar Kapur is back in India to 'rekindle the anger' over what's happening in the world.

His next film, 'Paani', is set in 2025 in a city polarised by water scarcity, a world divided into the haves and have-nots - those who have water and those who don't.

'The reason I came back to India is to walk the streets of Mumbai and rekindle the anger that I feel about what's happening to the world,' Kapur, who refuses to drink bottled water, told IANS in an interview.

' 'Paani' is not just about water shortage. It's about the callousness of a world where about three percent of the populace are haves; the rest are have-nots. And what a wonderful way to speak of that disparity through the one resource that we're most squandering away,' said Kapur.

Kapur felt that he got more freedom while making movies in India than the West.

During the making of 'The Four Feathers', 'they (the West) muzzled me. That's one of the reasons why I fled the West. In 'Masoom', 'Mr India' and 'Bandit Queen', which I made in India, I had the freedom to say what I wanted'.

Excerpts from the interview:

Q. What made you return to Mumbai?

A. My life is about yearning for the impossible. It's time to ...create the intellectual property in India. Microsoft has held the copyrights for all intellectual property in Seattle. In Asia we must learn to hold on to our intellectual property. That's one of my big dreams for India.

The comic books based on Indian mythical characters that I've started in the West are all sourced back to India. It's created and implemented by Indians. Until we hold the intellectual property in Asia, we won't prosper. And to those who say Shekhar Kapur has come back home to make a million dollars, I say, I don't want a single cent. I just want to be the conduit of my dreams.

Q. Is your next directorial venture going to be from Mumbai?

A. Yes, I'm finalising the script. I've been desperate to make that film for a long time. The reason I came back to India is to walk the streets of Mumbai and rekindle the anger that I feel about what's happening to the world.

'Paani' is not just about the water shortage. It's about the callousness of a world where about three percent of the populace are haves; the rest are have-nots. And what a wonderful way to speak of that disparity through the one resource that we're most squandering away.

My first story was about this runaway kid who sees this big van of water and is asked to pay for it. It struck me then that the first thing about city life is you've to pay for the water.

Q. Sounds extremely socialistic.

A. Once Devi Lal said something about the way the privileged squander money. 'The rich flush down more water in their toilets than farmers get for a whole day of irrigation.'

Then one day I went to a producer-friend's place on the 13th floor and I was told he was bathing. Go down to the ground floor and you pass through the Dharavi slums and you see hordes of women and children queuing up for a bucket of water. I realised the poor are paying 2,000 times more money for their water than the guy who was in the shower for half an hour.

Q. Is that where 'Paani' was born?

A. Yes, to me water is the basic resource, the next thing to air. Water is already being bottled and sold. Nobody has the right to pollute our water resources. Imagine mineral water being sold at Rs.90! Water as a fashion statement!

I refuse to drink bottled water. I know it's the beginning of the process to privatise water. The ecological cost of bottled water is immense. A story developed in my mind. I had to make a film. My film deals with a city of 20 million people polarised by water scarcity.

Q. Mumbai?

A. I'll shoot it in Mumbai. But it could be any major metro - from Bangkok to New Mexico. The city would be divided into two - below and above the flyovers. The one above would be the cosmopolitan city. That's what's going to happen in the future.

And that upper city takes over the water resources in 'Paani'. They control the water that filters down to the ghettos.

I'm going to make the film contemporary and trendy. I want it to appeal to youngsters.
It's about the exploitation by the first world. And the place where the first world meets the third world is paradise. You get any kind of sexuality and thrills there. I'm setting it in 2025. That isn't so far away.

Q. Who will pay for this dream?

A. The issues involved are so against what the studio style of filmmaking (of the West) represents that I don't want to make 'Paani' with their money. They'll ask for cuts. It happened during 'The Four Feathers'. They muzzled me. That's one of the reasons why I fled the West. In 'Masoom', 'Mr India' and 'Bandit Queen', which I made in India, I had the freedom to say what I wanted.

Posted by Kenni at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2008

Konjam adjust pannunge!

It has been my life pattern so far. I would always move to a house away from the city (which doesn’t have any facilities), the moment I go there the area would start developing faster than ever, and then the rents will skyrocket and I would be made to vacate. In the year 2000, people at office would laugh at me when I said I am commuting from Thoraipakkam (Old Mahabalipuram Road - OMR) to Mount Road for job. OMR developed so fast that my servant maid is a lakhpathi today. She sold her land for 40 lakhs, and I think I need to become her servant now!

Check this pic…

In 2004 I moved to Velacharry, when very few would prefer a house there. Between 2004 and 2007 – the area developed so much so that someone told me that it is a prime area now. I had to vacate, and thanks to my landlady. I of course don’t blame her, but who doesn’t need MORE money. And now I have moved farther from Velacharry, and the developments signs have already started!

Roads are being put, new transformers are getting fixed, and I am sure it will become a hot spot in another 2 years, and the result would be as you have already guessed – I will be made to move further down! So if you have invested in land somewhere, where the value isn’t going up – then you surely can use me.

When writing this particular blog, my 3 ½-year-old-daughter rushed to my computer and said these people have put the mud outside our house – how can we go out now? And I didn’t have an answer. Agreed that they are putting the roads for our benefit, but this is the first time I am seeing the process of putting roads being executed in this particular way. They have put heaps of mud right in the middle of road, which we use, and there are no other roads we can use to come out. I just wonder how could this department not understand what my 3 ½ year-old-daughter can understand.

There are some 20 houses, and mostly all of them have cars. They all go to work. There were no notices given to us to park our vehicles somewhere else. And the people who had gone out in the morning, cannot park their vehicles at home when they reach home in the evening. And there is no place to park either.

I asked the guy, why don’t you put the mud in the corner of the roads – he says – it will be difficult to spread them then. I asked him, when would you spread them, he said Monday (today is Saturday). And my next question was, what should we do if we have to go to work or have any emergency in these 2 days – he said coolly, konjam adjust pannunge (please adjust)!

I think this concept of adjusting has gone a bit too much down our system. We adjust with the dirty bathrooms all around, we adjust with red tapism, we adjust with corrupt politicians, we adjust with dumb bosses, we adjust with frequent power cuts, we adjust with bad roads, and we also adjust with my favourite – the sick Chennai Auto Guys! I think it is high time we stopped adjusting, and start creating rebellion!

Posted by Kenni at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2008

How far can you reach in life?

Track 1

I think it was Amitabh’s 60th birthday, and he said to one of the reporters that he is indeed clueless about why people still like him. Indeed a point to ponder. And when all know that Kamal is a far better and superior actor than Rajni Kanth, still Rajini has more fan followings in TN than the former. What gives people like Amitabh or Rajini or Sachin Tendulkar that extra edge, when there surely could be better performers than them in the industry!

Track 2

God is the funniest and at the same time the sickest person or concept in the world. He makes people with different talents and talent levels, and make them think they are all equals. He gives few things for someone without asking, and for some he makes to struggle for the same. He sometimes ignores people who love him, and love people who ignore Him.

How much God has blessed you or how much God likes you can be known by a simple test. If you are given more luxuries in life even without asking – God likes you more, and if you are given less luxury - in spite of many struggles - than he doesn’t like you much. There is a catch here though. For generations people have been saying that the God exists with the poor and this point gets exaggerated in most movies too. It is ‘ALL’ crap. The movie producer is rich, the movie director is rich, the actors are rich but the people who pay for the tickets and watch the movie become poorer by buying the tickets for the movie. May be they are happy taking home a massive lie that - God is with them, and they are happy to spend rest of their life struggling!

In India it is said, you will have to leave all the luxuries of life to understand God or to see God in flesh and blood. It is very true. But that necessarily doesn’t mean that you will see God only when you are poor. The temples, the meditation centers, or any other religious place - where the poor saints meditate or do puja for money – are after all constructed by the rich. And in a way it is the riches of the world, which has helped religion to exist for generations together.

Now on what basis does God decide about whom to give how much luxury (fame, money, power) in this life or lives to come? It simply depends upon - how good a human being you are. It clearly depends upon - whether you respect fellow beings, whether you respect others’ talent, whether you love others, and whether your life supports other’s life too.

Climax

Of course people like Amitabh or Rajini or Sachin are highly talented, but they are what they are today not just because of their talents but also because they are good human beings. If you aren’t a good human being and think you are one holy talented soul, while others are mere choots, then God has his own way to punish. He will give you immense talents – but never give you an opportunity to explore! And you won’t have any option but to die a mediocre - unsung!

God Bless All!

Posted by Kenni at 02:13 PM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2008

The ‘time’ to Dream!

This commercial is one of the most thought provoking ads I have ever seen in my life. If you are blessed with a good broadband connection watch it at a stretch. And if you are cursed with a fraud band connection, which promises high speed and delivers nothing, then wait for the video to buffer completely before you watch it!

Continue reading only after you have watched the whole video…

M Night Shyamalan is one of my favourite moviemakers. I am NOT proud about he having an Indian origin. Good that he was blessed with opportunity, freedom and money to explore his creativity in Hollywood to carve a name at his prime age. Had he been in India I am sure both his creativity and talent would have died running behind the trees and skimpy dresses shooting duets and item numbers respectively.

Well that isn’t the topic of this particular blog. It is about the last but one sentence mentioned in the ad, which says – ‘My Job is to find time to Dream!’

I have noticed that most successful people are those who have dreamt it big, and on top of that they are people who had the ‘time’ to dream. In life, if most of your time is spent in worrying about the next month’s house rent, the pending EMIs, the credit card payments, and the school fees - take my word you will die a mediocre.

So where do you find the ‘time’ to dream? The moment you start talking and exploring life on your own, you are put into play schools. And the journey of memorizing crappy outdated syllabus starts and ends at the age of 22, where the next big thing is life becomes finding a job. Wife walks in (walks out sometimes), children come out (and walk out eventually), you are shuttled (between relationships and companies), the corrupt government changes (every 5 years sometimes), and in the process your life is all over without even you realizing that you had the ability to dream!

By staying home women were blessed with opportunities to do nothing but to dream, while men took all the responsibilities to take care of them. But the government neither wanted the families to be happy, nor was interested in providing the kids an atmosphere to dream. They introduced subsidy in education for women, provided them reservation, and made them strive, struggle and work for money. So what happened in the process? The government enjoys collecting double the tax from the same household. So in a family 2 people work for the government for 7 days in a month so that some corrupt politician can have a steady growth in his Swiss bank account! If the government really cared about your kid – it should have eradicated dead syllabus, and given free education for children, whose parents (both) are working and paying tax honestly!

This disability to dream is no wonder the prime reason that India has not invented anything in the last 50 years or so. We don’t make it to the Oscars, we never win Gold medals, and still find pride in being called a developing country for the last 60 years. We launch few missiles once in a while, and do few nuclear tests in a couple of decades – and think we are developing. We forget that we aren’t developing because we have stopped being original, and because we have stopped dreaming!

Long long ago - Indians were the best dreamers. And we had given a different name to it – we called it insights. We allocated special time frame (between 3 am and 7 am) just to be silent, just to watch our minds, and just to dream – and we called it meditation. We implemented our dreams and came out with works that fascinates mankind till date – the Bhagwad Geeta, the Upanishads, Astrology, Ayurveda, Kama Sutra, and the list goes on….

So what has stopped us from dreaming? I think it is the present education system of memorizing things and running behind marks and numbers, which has put an end to our ability to dream or to think differently. I think I have done my job by providing enough time for my children to find time to dream. And what have you done? It isn’t a debate – you could win me through your logic and debating skills - it is a question you need to ask yourself! What have you done to make your children dream!

Posted by Kenni at 07:22 AM | Comments (0)

March 19, 2008

What irritates me the most!

The new age guru Paramahansa Nithyananda had a beautiful thing to say once. He said the most difficult thing to be sold in India is religion and spirituality. The reason is simple. Like asses (donkeys to be precise) which eat the movie posters stuck on walls all over, we all tend to read books and gain information from all possible sources and think we ourselves are Gurus. We behave as if we are the ‘know all’ and that we are already enlightened. Try talking about spirituality to anyone in India – and they will give you the best insights, which even the enlightened masters cannot give. And ask about their personal spiritual experiences – they will stare like an owl!

In India we have this major problem. We refuse to accept that there could be anything under the sky we cannot do. We think we know to repair the footwear, we think we know to fix a fan, we think we know to cut our hair, we think we know to fix a fuse, we think we know to cook, we think we are the best photographers, and we think we are masters in spiritual subjects. If we all know everything – then why do professional exist? They can just masturbate and die in solitude!

There ought to be a difference between an amateur and a professional. And the difference is subtle - an amateur has not done enough mistakes, which a professional has already committed. And that is what experience is all about.

We all know to drive a car, but all who know to drive a car cannot drive on the racetrack. All who know to operate a camera cannot be a photographer. And all who have read books on astrology or or Numerology or Vaastu Shastra of Feng Shui or Palmistry cannot be astrologers.

I face this funny situation sometimes. Few clients suddenly in middle of the consultation start talking about astrological jargons – just to show off that they aren’t illiterate. I simply tell them – if you know, you need not ask me. And if you ask me then you better keep your mouth shut. I know it is arrogant, but it important too. No wonder when we visit a doctor, he makes us close our mouth by placing a thermometer! I need to invent a similar tool I guess.

It is good that people try to understand new subjects. But when you seek help, it simply means you haven’t found the answer yourself. And when you haven’t found the answer, it is better to listen to someone who knows the answer than to argue about what you already know.

So the next time when you meet a professional – it could be a cobbler, a painter, a mechanic, an IT professional, or an electrician just allow him to do his work. You of course can watch what he is doing, but avoid poking your nose – it really irritates anybody even me!

Posted by Kenni at 07:05 AM | Comments (0)

December 20, 2007

Ignore Taslima Nasreen!

Only two things can make a writer or a journalist famous – one is controversy and another is lathi charge. And the author Taslima Nasreen belongs to the former cadre. In fact money, fame and success comes to authors who are bold and experiment with existing philosophies. Whether they believe in the philosophies they pen down doesn’t really matter – provided their books sell and bring both the publishers and author some good money in return. Even you can write a book on how group sex with 10 blondes on a open beach in Hawaii can give you darshan of Lord Shiva – but whether you have done this before or believe in it doesn’t matter, provided your books sell like hot cakes.

I neither had heard about Taslima, nor had I heard about her book Lajja. But the controversies it gave rise to – made me buy the book and read it. And to be honest – it was one of the most boring books I ever read in my life. I could not complete the book and I think I donated it to someone free of cost. More than the content of the book, I think it is the controversies that made the book sell more.

As I have stopped reading her books for sanity reasons. And I don’t know what exactly do her new books contain, which sell like crazy in many countries. Through a magazine I came to know that she referred to Prophet Mohammed as a pervert because he married a 40-year-old woman when he was 20, and also because he had 11 wives. (will write another blog about why Muslim men are better than Hindu men later).

With my experience with religions – I personally feel that Islam is the best religion that exists today for spiritual growth for the society as a whole. Given a chance I will convert India into an Islamic country. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I will circumcise all BJP, RSS and VHP believers forcibly like Sanjay Gandhi did vasectomy on poor Indians. And it also doesn’t necessarily mean that I will make all the women wear burkhas.

Wearing burkha or roaming with a bikini on a nude beach is a personal decision. It depends on what you give more importance to – character or libido. Now don’t flash your panty in front of a crowd and call yourself a Muslim lady. You cannot be a Muslim if you don’t follow its rules. You cease to be a Muslim even if you don’t pray 5 times a day. Just being born in a Muslim family doesn’t make you a Muslim. It holds true for Hindu Brahmins too – cross thread loses its significance if you don’t practice Sandhya Vandanam 3 times a day!

Take this example – if a bitch (female dog) enters a church and barks at the Holy Cross – what difference does it make to Jesus Christ or Christians a whole? The bitch will die in another 10 years, but Jesus is here to stay forever, and so is Christianity.

Women in general have lesser brains, and how can we expect them to interpret religion and spirituality in the correct sense, which requires masculine intellectual expertise? Her opinions about Islam could be correct for her, and she has all the rights to express it. But the point is if Taslima has thrown filth on the great Prophet Mohamed and Islam with her retarded vision and miniscule interpreting capabilities – what difference does it make to this great religion? Just ignore her – and her sale of books will drop.

Any comment of existing belief system doesn’t make the minutest difference for a believer. Taslima will be no more in another 3-4 decades, but Prophet Mohamed is immortal and Islam will survive forever! I am sure if Prophet Mohamed learnt about what Taslima said about Koran – he surely would have had a mighty laugh, for you don’t punish a toddler for peeing in its pants.

Posted by Kenni at 06:19 AM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2007

The criminal ME!

I always wonder why people who play the game of chess quite well think they are more intelligent than others? Of course most games need minimum amount of intelligence but it is also true that chess is yet another game, with which good amount of practice can be perfected. People generally confuse among intelligence, knowledge and information. An ant or a bee is more intelligent than a human being. And carrying useless information and knowledge in your otherwise empty head doesn’t necessarily mean you are intelligent.

I had a friend who was/is an avid quizzer and also a good chess player. The problem was not he being good at them, the problem was the ego he used to carry about the same, and the way he used to put down others if they didn’t know answers to questions like - what is the name of Uttaranchal’s governor. Who cares? But he cared a lot. I also heard that after getting married, when he was coming back to Chennai, he gave a quiz book to his wife and made her ask the questions, and he would sit there and answer! Man – he was least interested in understanding what would interest others.

I noticed that he had a great ego about his chess playing capability, and I wanted to break it high time. Once we were discussing about the game of chess, and I asked him why don’t we play a game of chess? He readily agreed. He was already smiling and celebrating about his probable victory.

We were at office, and we decided to play chess on Yahoo Messenger chat window. Thankfully I had installed Chess software in my machine just a couple of days back, and that was the main reason I called him to play outright.

The game started and I asked him to make the first move. He did, and I made the same move on my alternate chess software window. The software would make a move, and I would make the same move on the chat window. To play it safe, I would take a good amount of time to make the software generated move. He lost many, and I was left out with few. And he said – “I think the game is moving towards draw.” For which I replied, “let us play till the end” - for I had great confidence in the SOFTWARE.

Ultimately he was check mated and that was the last day he ever spoke about chess at office. He could not accept defeat at my hands - who never showed off his chess playing capability, and also who refuses to carry pseudo knowledge and useless information on head.

If a crime can bring a positive change – do it!

Posted by Kenni at 07:31 AM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2007

What to pray and what not!

He was a staunch believer of Lord Ganesha. He neither would booze nor would he eat non-vegetarian food on Tuesdays. We never had any argument about the existence of God then. But today we argue everyday about the presence of God. I say He exists, and he asks me if He exists then show Him to me. My friend - then a staunch believer is an atheist now. But then reason for the transformation isn’t impressive. He prayed to God that he should get married to the person he fell in love with – the bitch ditched him, and he ditched God!

I was in my 8th standard when I used to adore a girl. She was slim, cute, and had hair like that of Dimple Kapadia – reason enough for me to fall for her. The irony was - she never knew I existed. I was just watching her everyday while going to the school, and I am not sure whether she ever gave me a look. The same year my father took us to Tirupathi Balaji shrine, and my only prayer to the lord was – I should get married to this particular girl. I never had any other worries in my life I guess.

Time passed by, and I moved to my 9th standard. And one day after a long gap I spotted the same girl. And to my astonishment, she had grown much taller than me – at least by a foot! I think when I saw her first she never had attained her puberty, and when she did she grew like a lamppost. She was slimmer and looked ugly. I thanked God for not answering my prayers!

Most of us think that God is sitting there jobless to answer all our prayers. If he doesn’t, we start questioning His presence. Try giving a list of requests to your CEO, and see how many he accepts and how many he rejects. When a mortal bugger like a CEO can reject your requests, and understand what is best for you and what not, how can God – the creator of the universe - doesn’t know what you should get and when?!

So instead of disturbing God by praying for too many things, just thank God for whatever he has already provided – for He knows perfectly what you deserve and when it should be provided!

Posted by Kenni at 06:27 AM | Comments (0)

November 07, 2007

Happy Deepavali to one and ALL!

Don’t think too much about environmental pollution, and don’t think too much about child labour at Sivakasi - just be generous and burst as much crackers as possible this Diwali. Askenni wishes one and all a very Happy and Safe Deepavali!

Posted by Kenni at 06:50 AM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2007

Stock market is falling down…..!

I don’t have enough evidence to prove my point here. And my friend and myself have kept the history button on Yahoo Messenger unhighlighted. So any evidence of the chat we had on the day Stock Market reached 19000 is unattainable. He was chatting about how India has developed so fast and how it was visible looking at the points Sensex had touched - 19000! I said don’t worry it will fall soon, and when it will fall it will be horror – to the extent that people will start committing suicides! (Well that was a strong statement, but then very much possible!) And the very next day the market fell 200 points, and is still falling!

My sister is quite good in understanding the Sensex trend, and she has been following the market since it was 6000 points 2 years back. It was that time when P Chidambaram had said – if the market touches 8000 points – it will be a matter of concern! And it touched 19000 in 2 years, and there was no intervention.

She had a casual meeting with one of the leading stockbrokers of Chennai the same morning the Sensex fell. She could see a panic on his face, and she asked what is wrong, and he said the market would fall today drastically. And it did. He had some very valid points to add –

Q1) Why is there a major growth in the stock market?

His Answer - Because previously only experienced people got into stock, these days all who have money and don’t know what to do with it invest in the stock market. Also previously it was 80 per cent genuine money and 20 per cent non-genuine. And today 80 per cent is non-genuine money.

Q2) Why don’t the concerned people get involved to clear the confusion?

His Answer – everyone has a price, and everyone is buyable. So the concerned people are bought to keep their mouth shut

Q3) Why do people on media keep saying that it will keep going up?

His Answer – if they say otherwise, he will be tagged an unconfident person. So whoever talks to the media always gives a positive trend about the market, which need not be true in reality

On top of that another astrologer friend of mine called me a month back saying the Stock market will fall drastically towards the end of October 2007.

So what is my take on the topic? Anything that grows very fast comes down at the same speed – that is the rule of life - and any growth should always be gradual. The DOT COM industry came down, because it grew too fast in too little time. Now it is stabilized. Same way Sensex touching 19000 is too fast in 2 years, and it will come down drastically and stabilize at 10000 to 12000 points.

A special advise for people who love to make easy money.

*Money that comes through hard efforts remains longer than that which comes easy

*Never make stock market the only source of income, except if you are a stockbroker

*Putting money in stock market is gambling, though people will argue it is an investment. So gamble to lose. If you win, you are lucky

*And as Thiruvalluvar says – Winning at gambling is like a fish getting caught in the hook thinking it has got the worm

*If you put a mental calculation about how much you invested and how much got in return through stock market in life – you will see that more or less the profit and loss gets equaled

Posted by Kenni at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2007

Relationships are about symbiosis!

I am not mentioning about the Symbiosis University located in Pune here. I am talking about the biological term where in the involved partners are equally benefited through an association. And I strongly feel any human relationship should always be a symbiotic relationship. Enlightened people have been telling about unconditional love, and that you should always be giving without expecting anything in return out of any relationship. But the irony is most people who were enlightened either stayed single all through their lives, or left their families to get enlightened. And most messiahs never had friends, bosses, superiors, and girl friends – they only had disciples.

Any realization comes from personal experience. And I too realized this truth with hard-hitting incidents, and one of them is discussed here. I never understood the difference between friends, colleagues, and peers in a corporate scenario. I thought everyone who talked good to you is your friend, which need not be - at least in the corporate world.

We were some 10 to 12 people who used to have lunch together and we used to have rollicking time everyday. Once I had conducted an Astro show at my last office, and I invited all of them to attend. I specially invited these friends of mine– not in an attempt to make them a believer of astrology, but then just for my moral support. To my dismay only 1 turned up, and rest were ready with their silly reasons the next day. It was a severe blow to me. And I stopped having lunch with them.

Many days of retrospection gave me an insight into human relationships. The first question you need to ask yourself is - are you getting equal returns from a particular relationship? Secondly whether a particular relationship is worth your time and effort? And it could be any relationship for that matter – between you and your friends, between you and your girlfriend, between you and your sibling, and between you and your boss.

If you need good friends, be one they say. So start any relationship with only giving, without expecting anything in return. Later once the relationship has developed to a good extent, wait for a while, and take some time to analyze the relationship.

You picked her up, you dropped her at home, you sponsored her movie tickets, you sponsored her food, you acted as a counselor, and you gave her all the moral support. Now ask yourself - what have you got in return? If it was only the smell of the strong perfume or the strong deodorant she wore, then take my word you can expect her marriage invitation soon.

If at any point you feel that you aren’t getting enough out of a relationship – you either make it clear to the other person involved, or it is always better to cut him/her off completely and exist in solitude. This solitude will help you to evolve and will take you to a different realm of life – where your happiness won’t continue to depend on external factors.

Total detachment is for evolved souls, and for normal souls like us it is all about being a bit selfish every time. Any relationship is a business deal, where in you want to make equal profits – in sadness as well as in happiness. If the deal is not a 50-50 per cent share, it is bound to be doomed sooner or later with a bad note.

So the mantra for a long and strong relationship is - give as much as you can, but don’t stop expecting. Take time to analyze, and if you don’t get anything in return, move out with a good note!

Posted by Kenni at 08:15 AM | Comments (0)

October 12, 2007

Getting up at 4 am!

I was told when young that getting up early is a good habit. The climate is cold, the air is pure, and according to Hinduism it falls under Brahma Muhurta when most saints across the world are meditating. So whatever you do getting up early would have good results on your body, mind and soul. But then I never could get up early when in school or in college. The last thing I would want was to get up early and study organic chemistry or calculus for that matter. I of course have tried it. I would get up, wash my face, take a book, take a bed sheet and then doze off. The simple reason was - I wasn’t interested in studies!

The change had to come. After I met my spiritual teacher in the year 2002 and started to learn astrology from him, I have been getting up at 4 am most of the days. My Astro class used to start at 6 am, and it was 1-hour bike journey from my place. I used to get up at 4 am, get ready at 5 am, and reach my teacher’s place at 6 am. So getting up at 4 am is not a problem for any of us, but then why do you want to get up so early is what matters!

In college days more than those boring Chemistry classes, I loved the NCC parades on Saturdays. And more than watching movies, I used to love my karate classes. These things made me get up early and made me be there on time always because these things interested me a lot.

Famous self-help writers have been telling that getting up early is about conquering mind, and that it is all about mind over matter, and people who don’t get up are lazy. This creates guilt in someone who wants to get up early, and is unable to do so. In the process, people pay up heavily and join gyms. They work out for couple of days, and then stop going to the gym. It is simple - when you aren’t interested in exercising how will you be able to get up early?

End of the day - it is something that interests you pushes you to get up early, and it has nothing to do with mind over matter or conquering your mind.

Given a choice most people would love to get up at 10, but then what if there is a final cricket match between India and Pakistan at 3 am? I am sure most Indians would get up early. It is simple because cricket interests us.

So you need not get up at 4 to meditate, you need not get up to jog or to squeeze yourself at the modern gym. Just take some time to think what interests you the most? It could be sports, it could be books, it could be gardening, it could be cooking, it could be taking pets for a walk, or it could be watching porn or having sex with your partner. Whatever it is – chalk it out, and go to the bed accordingly. You automatically will get up at 4 am. If you don’t find anything that interests you so much so to make you wake up early – just cuddle yourself in the bed, and sleep. There is no hurry or there is no need to worry – your getting up early won’t make any difference to the world. Just drop the guilt and have some sweet dreams.

All the best!

Posted by Kenni at 08:37 AM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2007

It is all about being ‘Original!’

It is an old story again. Long long ago when I was working with Sify Astrology I had a major problem, which when I look back looks so menial and unnecessary. I don’t know about what others felt about me, but then I had put a lot of efforts and original ideas into making it a revenue generating vortal. Of course all the eyes were on it, and whichever channel - let it be Sify Hindi, or Sify Tamil or Sify Telugu, all wanted to start their Astro channel to show revenues to save their asses at job.

It so happened that one of the regional site managers copied ALL the ideas, which I had put into Sify Astrology. Of course any inputs given to the company becomes its own copyright, but then still copying without acknowledging irritated me a lot. I could not do any thing. I wasn’t jealous but then pissed off completely.

I take advice from only selected few, and looking at my irritated face one of my ‘REAL’ friends asked me what was wrong. And I explained him about the incident that drove me crazy. And my friend narrated to me a beautiful real life episode, which brought back the confidence I had lost temporarily.

The episode goes this way -

In the early 80s Rajini Kanth was at the peak of his career. He was so busy that producers couldn’t get his call sheets for 5-10 years. And most of the movies that Rajini did were super duper hits. The producers were pissed off completely, and wanted to chalk out an idea. They sat and did a quick analysis. They asked themselves – what made Rajini a phenomenon? Was it his looks? Was it his style? Or was it his funny Tamil accent? They thought it was all. Hence they searched for lookalikes of Rajini Kanth, and they named them Surya Kanth, Chandra Kanth and Nalini Kanth.

These 3 jokers looked like Rajini, could talk like Rajini, and they also imitated Rajini’s style that which came so naturally to the original Rajini. The producers made movies using these Kanths, and all of them were major flops. And with time all the Kanths vanished from the film industry in no time.

Today Rajini is in his late 50s now, and he still is ruling the roost. So what is so special about Rajini Kanth now – it is his originality.

Kennedi - you are like Rajini Kanth, and these managers are like Surya Kanth, Chandra Kanth and Nalini Kanth – they will vanish with time, said my friend. It indeed happened that way. Sify Astrology made the highest revenue, while other sites struggled to survive with time.

The moral of the story is – time makes originality survive, and all those copycats vanish with time. So try to be original! And also only do that comes easily to you, than trying to imitate others.

Posted by Kenni at 08:03 AM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2007

The limited resource called – MONEY! – Part 1!

Money is a weird concept, and economics is even worse. We are the ones who have created money, and we are ones to crave for it. And the whole of life– one or the other way - we work towards making more money. Some would say money doesn’t interest them but they would stick to a high paying job, some would say they love money but get into a lot of philanthropist activity, and some would say better not be greedy about money but will possess acres of land!

There are only two worlds – the spiritual and the materialistic. If spirituality attracts you leave everything behind and walk to the woods - you can fast to death there. Or else you are left out with only one option - the materialistic world.

Now living in a materialistic world you cannot say money isn’t important for you. Your neighbourhood Spencer’s store would not provide you the monthly groceries for free if you give them lecture on the uselessness of money. Yeah of course by showing a disinterest towards money you surely can gain some bonus points and more respect from people – who otherwise themselves are behind money!

So the first lesson in life is to accept that money is important to you, and there is nothing wrong in accepting that fact. You might not need money for your own expenses – well and good. But then money might be useful for the people who are associated with you – your parents, your children, your siblings, your society or your wife / girl friend (preferably in the given order).

In the materialistic world (I keep stretching materialistic world because money loses its value in the spiritual world) money would get you – respect, fame, and happiness. None in the world will respect you if you are not making money – this includes your wife / girl friend, the society, your parents, your children, and your siblings (preferably in the given order). If you want to confirm this part – resign your job and sit at home for 1 – 2 years.

To be continued….

*There is no difference between the rich and the poor
*What’s the difference among earning, saving, generating and multiplying money

Posted by Kenni at 07:56 AM | Comments (0)

May 28, 2007

Important tip to pass ANY exam with ease!

It was Hindi exam on that particular day, and I prepared myself well for the same. I reached the exam hall only to get the shock of my life - that it wasn’t Hindi exam, but maths!! I had done some error in seeing the Time Table. I am completely clueless about what to do. I am sure I will fail this time, will have a bad time with my father and never would get my degree in my life!

I am completely drenched in sweat only to find myself getting up from my sleep a decade later. In real life I have never faced such instances, but even today I get those dreams where in I reach the exam hall unprepared or without a hall ticket. And it is an orgasmic feeling to go back to sleep confirming that you already have got MA Mass Comm degree without a single arrear.

Someone called me the other day asking me whether he will pass out an arrear he has now. I said he will, and I also gave him a simple advise – try taking chits, but don’t get caught! You see – I preach, only what I practice or practiced.

My father gifted me a fountain pen for my 10th board exams. And he bundled 2 important advise with it. He said – never get caught when you copy and secondly if you are unsure about spellings just scribble. I followed his advice religiously till I passed out my Masters Degree.

I was too naïve to copy in my 10th and 12th board exams but then became a master in it while doing my degree. It was literally impossible for me to mug up those derivation and integration formulas Maths had and chemical reactions Organic Chemistry had, and I was expected to pass out without a single arrear to be allowed to stay in the hostel. Well taking chits proved to be a good idea.

Chits kept my confidence level high, and I could easily refer to them when in need. Not that I depended completely on them, but I would have short cuts written in papers just few inches in size, which can be kept hidden in the palm! Or I would get into the exam hall and note down all that was on my mind in the answer paper they give, and later refer to them - legally it was considered wrong! Thank God I never got caught by any of the supervisors then. Masters’ degree was much easier, and there was no need to take any chits. As my professor once said – it would be really tough to fail in those exams!

I dunno what phobia is that – but fear of exams scare me more than death - even today.

Posted by Kenni at 07:25 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2007

White rats – my new pets!

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. That is one crappy statement people have been using for centuries now. I am yet to see a beggar getting married to a woman, and then becoming a multimillionaire just because he got married to the woman. The statement can be altered a bit. Instead of ‘behind’ we can put ‘after’. And the right statement could be ‘After every successful man, there is a woman or there are many women’.

There is another notion where in people try to find someone who matches their interest to get married. But the truth is otherwise. You will always get married to someone with whom you don’t match, and with whom your interests vary completely. That is the irony of life or we can call it the funny side of life.

I watched the Will Smith starring movie ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ recently. One thing good about foreign movies are they always try to show the truth. Had it been an Indian movie, I am sure – his wife leaving Christopher Gardner just because he doesn’t have a good paying job part would have been edited. Instead they would have shown a very naïve and supporting wife giving him all her ornaments to try something else. End of the day the truth about life is – if as a husband you continue to earn less money, your marital life will get screwed big time.

What has this blog to do with White Mice?

Very few people know that White Mice make excellent pets, and that they are available very easily in any pet shop. People have major mind blocks towards rats thinking they might lead to rat fever or they might lead to plague. In fact white rats are very clean animals, and need very less attention.

I love animals, and if given a chance I would not mind even domesticating a Tiger. I want my children to be sensitive towards animals, and I have heard many people saying children become more responsible amidst pets. In fact I would suggest that every family should have at least 2 or 3 children, 1 tree and 1 pet compulsorily.

I decided to buy white mice from Moore Market, Chennai and as usual my wife said a clear ‘no.’ She rebelled and stopped talking to me for a day, and told me she won’t look after the mice at all. She knows perfectly that I travel a lot, and looking after the mice will be a bit difficult for me when I travel. Not that she hates animals, just that she hates to take responsibilities.

I usually don’t listen to others. And if someone says a ‘no’, I deliberately go ahead and do it just for the heck of it. That is exactly what I did. I wanted to buy one mouse, and as my wife rebelled I bought 2 mice.

My children are having great fun with them these days, and the joy I see on their faces is priceless! I pat on my back everyday saying – good I didn’t listen to my wife.

Posted by Kenni at 06:48 AM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2006

From whom should you take advice – part 2!

Don’ t confuse among thoughts, action & profession

My wildest desire is to have a group sex with 10 blondes on the Hawai beach. And I don’t become a sinner by carrying that thought on my mind. I have all the free will to nurture that yearning, but then if the event would really happen depends upon God’s prerogative, and none else. There is when destiny comes into play. Any person’s thoughts could be different, actions could be different and profession could be different – always use your discretion about what to take and what to leave.

A person with an attitude of an open marriage would be tied to one wife, a Christian evangelist who preaches celibacy could get caught in child molestation case, a saint preaching universal brotherhood could be the most sex craving person, a porn star could be the best philanthropist, and an astrologer who talks about sex on the blog could be practicing celibacy – you never know!

The Australian cricketer Shane Warne was recently caught having a 3 some with 2 blondes. He isn’t a porn star, he is a cricketer and we should bother only about how he plays on the field and how he behaves on the field. What he thinks, what is sexual life is all about, should not come in the way of his cricketing career because sex & sexual life isn’t a criteria to judge a person’s character.

Tamil poet Kannadasan had written the best songs for yesteryear super star MGR, which helped him to become the Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu later. Those songs are still considered to be the best philosophical songs ever written in Tamil. But for the words to flow, Kannadasan needed booze and a new girl everyday till he died!

That way if we try to rewind the lives of ALL the successful people in the world, you will find only ‘stink’ and nothing else!

So my job starts at analyzing your horoscope, confirming your chart by talking about your past, understanding your present, and predicting about your future after taking a nominal fee. So better treat me as a normal human being because I don’t need any respect or reputation to be created which eventually will block me from being myself!

Whom do I take advice from

Not that I don’t take advice in life at all. I do. I take advice only from the experts.

One of my friends is an expert in automobiles, and whenever I have a doubt about cars or bikes or any other vehicle. I consult him. I keep my mouth shut when he is talking about vehicles, because I know it is his expertise. But when he consults me for astrology, I expect him to keep his mouth shut – because it is my expertise!

I don’t take spiritual advice from a Java Programmer. But I will keep my mouth shut if I need Java help from the same person.

And when it comes to astrology, I take advice only from my teacher and one Dr Praja Rao – whom I consider the best in this particular industry as of today. Hence I don’t discuss astrology with anyone else.

So what is the moral of the story?

*Never advice others until and unless asked for
*Don’t think that the other person is a fool, and you are the only holy soul
*Treat all with equality for all are equally spiritual – whether you sleep with one woman or 100 doesn’t really matter (even a prostitute prays God everyday so that she can get a good client that particular day)
*The best could come from the worst people & vice versa
*Always take advice ‘ONLY’ from the expert in that particular field
*And keep your mouth shut when you deal with experts

Posted by Kenni at 07:55 AM | Comments (0)

December 20, 2006

From whom should you take advice – part 1!

A humble unseen & unmet chat acquaintance of mine kept buzzing me yesterday. I replied what was the issue, and he asked me whether I had few minutes for him. I said, “of course tell me, what can I do for you.” He replied it was about your blog, which said “your experience sleeping with your friend’s mom”. I asked what about it? He kindly said – he agrees with me, and that he also wouldn’t mind sleeping. But then he cautioned me not to put up these kinds of articles on my blog. I asked him, why? And he replied – he has sent my URL to many of his friends (girls) and they read my blogs regularly. And this kind of articles from my end would affect the respect & reputation I have gained!

To be honest the last thing I would do in my life is to tailor cut my content or thoughts just because some friends of an unseen acquaintance might lose respect they have on me!

On one hand this guy was thinking too much about what women might think about me, while on the other hand I got messages from other friends (girls) saying my blog was good & I am lucky to have had an interesting life!

This is not the first time this happens. My friend likes my blog, his friend reads my blog regularly, but then they are always concerned about what others might think about me! End of the day none thinks anything about me I guess….my blogs are just for your understanding alone. Hence be careless about what others might or would or could think about me….

In fact the guy underestimated the prowess of the modern women. May be he is completely unaware about the fact that today’s women are different than the one whom men knew few centuries back. These days women demand freedom, they are more rebellious, they are more educated, they are more ambitious, and they are more experimenting when it comes to sex too. And I think men wrongly presume that women still exist as sati savitris.

On the other hand…

I wonder why sex is still a criteria to judge a person’s niceness, religiousness, spiritual growth & profession?!

Is there a law written that astrologers should not think about sex or should not have sex or should not write about sex in their lives? Or is there a law that saints should not have sex or think about sex? The only rule is these people should try to have a balanced sex!

You will go to the US, and end up in a strip club the very next day, and will lose respect for Sri Sri Ravi Shankar if he had a similar interest?!!

You will wear a cross thread, eat chicken 65, have beer, have sex in a crowded bus, but will lose respect for Jayandra Saraswathi if he had sex with one woman?!!

People will wear Crosses on their neck, act in porn movies, watch porn movies, and when someone says with authority that Jesus was married to Mary Magdaline and he had impregnated her – the whole Christian community will come to roads to demonstrate against it?!!

What kind of hypocrisy is this? We would have all the fun & do all the nasty things, but expect saints, religious Gurus, astrologers & Gods to practice celibacy in their lives?

To be continued…..

Posted by Kenni at 08:22 AM | Comments (0)

December 15, 2006

Things will change….

An Indian from the US sounded very sad over Yahoo Messenger chat. I asked her what happened? And she said she had a fight with her husband, and they both are not in talking terms for the last 10 days. Listening to her I was a bit relieved. I told her, “don’t worry things will be alright even my wife is not in talking terms with me for the last 3 days!” It happens….

When electricity goes off at our homes, before lighting the candles we rush to our balconies to see if others are facing the same problem. If yes, then we come back happily to light the candle. Looking at others problems, we become happy automatically thinking we are better off than the others or at least that we are on the same boat. No wonder spiritual people, Gurus, and saints are always glowing with confidence – because they know their problems are meager when compared their disciples’.

Kindly don’t consider this particular blog as my individual complaint against my loving wife, but try to read between the lines….

When married in 1998 I was working on night shifts. I hardly got time with my wife. I would hardly spend only 2-3 hours with her, and as a housewife she used to get damn bored at home staying alone. Her only complaint was – I was not spending enough time with her, rest everything was fine – I would say don’t worry things will change..

In 2000 I moved to Chennai, I was making good amount of money, there were no night shifts, and I used to reach home on time. But this time my wife was not happy with my relationship with a girl colleague of mine. She would always say – don’t talk to her, don’t get close to her, and don’t give her lifts on bike….I would say things will change….

The girl colleague of mine got married in 2002, I quit my 9-5 job, and started of as a full time astrologer from home since 2004. I started being at home all the time, there were no night shifts, there were no girl friends, but this time my wife was not happy with cash inflow…I would say things will change…

After 2 years now, money flow is good, work is good, there are no girl friends, there are no night shifts, but my wife complains – I don’t spend enough time with her!!! I still say things will change…

Last week was indeed the most peaceful one. For 7 days neither did we speak to each other, nor did we see each other’s face living in the same house. Communication happened through children. And honestly I completely lost tract about the cause of the problem.

Marital problems are normal in any marriage, and there are no perfect couples. They have verbal fights, they have physical fights, and the next day they are found together on the bed having wild sex. Hence the first rule of life is not to get panicky, when things go wrong.

When you love someone, you should be ready for hatred too. If you loved your beloved talking sweet nothings to you for hours together, then you should be ready to accept her irritating silence. Always remember that whenever you have relationship problems start to see the pattern, and you will see a common pattern in every fight you had with your spouse…. Learn the lessons and walk ahead…

Married men face a lot of problems in fixing the priority list, which makes them lose control many a times…Here is a ready made list of priority you should stick to have a good marriage …

Give preference in this order –

For Men

1) God
2) Your Parents
3) Career
4) Children
5) Friends
6) Wife

If your parents don’t want you to become a sanyasi, don’t listen to them. If your work wants you to go away from your parents, don’t take up the job. If your children ask you to stay at home, tell them you will buy chocolates while coming from work. If your friends call you when you are playing with your children, don’t pick up the phone. And if your wife doesn’t want you go for a drink at your friend’s place, ignore her….

For Women the preference should be in this way…

1) Husband
2) Children
3) Her parents
4) Your parents
5) God
6) Career
7) Friends

I know there would be 1000s of others permutations combinations for a better marital life. But this is what I strictly try to follow to lead a happy married life.

And today morning when I was meditating about this particular blog and came outside my prayer room my wife was smiling at me. Things were resolved, and we patched up after 7 days of silence…and deep down I know this is not permanent ….things will change…..

Posted by Kenni at 07:45 AM | Comments (0)

December 13, 2006

The difference between being good & trying to be good!

A young, smart, good looking, and a shy guy joined the last organization I was working for. He was an awesome web designer, and he used to sit next to me. Remaining silent was a beauty or I should say an asset he used to carry with him. And impressive designs used to flow through him without any blocks. His silence in fact kindled curiosity in many around him, which prompted others to befriend him. He was indeed a man of few words I should say. But in 6 months time he screwed himself….

For about 6 months he neither wished anyone a good morning nor did he say a good bye while leaving the office. His physical presence was hardly noticed, but his work was appreciated among peers and seniors.

One fine morning he came to my desk, patted me on the back and said Good Morning Kennedi. I was a bit taken aback. I was wondering why is this person behaving abnormal today? Then another person entered the office – and he said Good Morning Rajan. And the 3rd person entered the office – and he said Good Morning Rekha. I was able to gauge artificiality in his otherwise honest smile that day. And as usual my mind started pondering about what could be the possible reason for his put up transformation. And my hunch helped me this time too…

I went close to him, and whispered in his ears– are you reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” book. He asked how on earth did you know? And I said your ugly put on face shows it all!

Optimism is not about trying to do what others have done to be successful in their lives, but it is about knowing your own limitations, and using your inborn talents to serve the purpose you are born for.

I personally am bad at marketing – I cannot open my mouth in front of a stranger to sell anything. Hence I never wanted to get into marketing, and struggle there to succeed in life. I am bad at sports, I cannot run fast for God’s sake, I cannot climb trees, and I cannot climb ropes – hence I always saw to it that I made myself absent to school on sports day. I am bad at corporate office politics – hence I decided to quit and do astrology, which kind of comes easy to me by God’s grace.

There are many training programmes that are organized by motivating people about how to enhance your personality, how to stop worrying & start living, how to perform better at work, how to manage your time, how to create harmony at office so on and so forth. To be honest the fire of any training programme remains in human minds just for a couple of days, and people are back to square one sooner or later. And there is another training programme hatching already. I don’t know whether the people who attend benefit by it at all - but then the people who organize them benefit a lot! They succeed in making thousands in the process.

Many of my friends attended The Art of Living course. And all said it is awesome. After 6 months I asked them how ‘IS’ Art of Living, and they say it ‘WAS’ awesome.

There is a term called Svabhav – an intrinsic quality any individual is born with, and this cannot be changed at all with any amount of training, meditation or prayers. That is what YOU are, that is what YOU are born with, and that is what that will come with YOU till you reach your graveyard. Once you touch base with that YOU in you, you start accepting yourself completely and become more natural in behaviour. Your presence is accepted even without any efforts of yours, and you are loved without taking any attempt of yours. With time you stop imitating others, you stop reading self-help books, and you stop applying or experimenting what you have read in the book on others for your own personal selfish motives and growth.

Yeah, the friend I was talking about lives happily in the US with his wife and a kid. And when I think about him today a smile comes to my face, and all those good memories flies to my mind in microseconds - and I am glad that he is not saying a ‘hi’ or a ‘bye’ to me these days, which was so unnatural of him.

Posted by Kenni at 10:07 AM | Comments (0)

December 02, 2006

I am feeling a ‘bit’ guilty – part 3 – The End!

Seeing the plight of Mr H, I had already learnt three important lessons of life –

*never open up completely to your boy friend or girl friend or spouse or anybody for that matter

*always inculcate a habit of erasing your SMS after reading it and

*never forget to carry a condom in your wallet, ‘cause you never know when you are given a chance to have sex. It so then see to it that you don’t leave your semen trace back. Even Presidents get caught!

Ms P and Ms K decide to screw up Mr H – not literally though!

Both the girls were damn furious about what happened in their personal lives, and their only argument was Mr H cheated on both of them (which I personally don’t think so). From one side Ms P said she will call up Mr H’s parents and tell them everything, and on the other side Ms K started blackmailing Mr H that she will come to his office and tell everybody about the real Mr H. Mr H was at the brink of going insane, before he called me…

From my angle I thought that all the 3 people (Mr H, Ms P and Ms K) involved in this particular mess need some time for retrospection and introspection before they decide who should marry whom and when. Marriage cannot happen when someone is holding a gun at your neck.

I told Mr H to stop communicating with Ms P for a while, then pack off Ms K to Mumbai, and then take time to decide – whether he wants to marry Ms K or Ms P or he wants to become a sanyasi after all this confusion. He agreed. I spoke to Ms K asking her to leave Mr H alone for a while – so that he has some breathing space. She agreed. And Ms P had already stopped talking to me.

Was spirit haunting Ms K?

It was evening already, and Ms K had agreed to leave the next day afternoon. All was set. And I went to sleep peacefully. The next day morning at 7 am I get a call from Mr H with a unique problem Ms K was having. He said he thinks some spirit is haunting Ms K. I asked him what makes him say so. And he replied – Ms K talks like Ms K for a while, and suddenly she talks like Ms P! Dual personality? I got goose bubbles hearing this.

She would agree to leave and would say, I am sorry, and the very next moment she would say, do you think I am a fool to leave you? A new problem started for Mr H. I asked him to hand over the phone to Ms K, and she refused to take it. Later after 5 minutes she replied the phone saying – someone is trying to force words through her mouth, which she is not having any control on. I went to my prayer room, and the first thing I did was I wore my rudraksha mala – the last thing I would want in my life was to be haunted by a female spirit!

I asked Mr H to take her to a Lord Shiva temple, do an archana on her name, and make her wear a rudraksha mala. He tried, and tried…but could not take her inside the temple at all.

Mr H was already at the brink of going insane completely – and never in life would he have thought that screwing 2 women at the same time would screw his happiness forever.

Spirit haunts Ms K, and destiny haunts Mr H

They both reached the railway station, and Mr H booked a ticket for Ms K. They both stood in the line, and suddenly Ms K vanished from the scene. The train was at 2.45 pm and it was already 2.30 pm. Ms K started the same drama of dual personality once again, and Mr H became a laughing stock among people who were watching them. When she was in her Ms K form he rushed her to the platform, where the train was scheduled to come. At 3 pm I got a call again. I asked, so did you finally put her in the train, and he said NO. I asked why? And he said they were waiting at platform number 2, while the train came and went from platform number 4! I asked when is the next train, he said at 10 pm!

They spent the day at the station, and he made her board the night train and had a sigh of relief after 2 days of mental torture.

Mr H was entangled in a karmic web of problems. And my intuition said – until and unless he is brought out of it he cannot have peace. Hence I wanted him to break all kinds of connections or communications from both the women at least for the next 3 months.

Also I had a strong hunch that Ms K will get down somewhere in between, and come back to Delhi again.

Situation goes from Bad to Worse

Immediately after Ms K boarded the train, I asked Mr H to switch of his mobile, and to change his phone number. He agreed. And he switched off his mobile.

The next day morning I got a call at 6 am from Mr H. I asked what happened? And he said, Ms K had some health problem in the train (minor heart problem, which she had previously too) and she had to get down at Jhansi (4 hour journey from Delhi) and she has been admitted in a hospital. I asked how did you know about this? And he said, his brother switched his mobile ON in the morning!

In fact he had given few thousands to Ms K when leaving Delhi, and she said someone stole that money when she got down from the train. She was penniless, and the hospital doctors had called Mr H’s office at least 10-15 times the whole night to ask his whereabouts!

The situation went from bad to worse. He borrowed money from friends, cleared the hospital bill, and asked the doctors to book her a ticket to Mumbai. And the docs said – her condition is not good enough to go to Mumbai from here hence we will send her back to Delhi!!

Ms K returns Delhi within 24 hours

Mr H picked up Ms K from the station, and this time rushed to the airport instead. He had borrowed enough money to send her by flight! He packed off Ms K, and had to keep his fingers crossed this time.

What about the baby Ms K was carrying

Till now I thought it was Mr H’s bad karma that put him in so much of trouble. Gautam Buddha took 12 years to get transformed, and the transformation of Mr H happened in just 2 days. I asked him what is the moral of the story – and he said – Never Have Sex With Women!!

Ms K after reaching Mumbai gave me a call, and I had to convince her about the ongoing situation. She was feeling ok now. But she insisted that Mr H has to come down to Mumbai when she plans to abort the child, because the hospital would need it.

Whose Bad Karma was it anyway?

I was convinced that Mr H had to face so much of hardship because of his bad karma, but my perception changed when I got another call from Mr H after a couple of weeks – which carried a tragic news!

Ms K met with an accident in Mumbai. A car hit her very badly, and she was hospitalized. She had a miscarriage and also the doctors had to remove her uterus to save her life!!

What made me write this particular blog?

Three days back I got a call from Ms K saying that the doctors are asking her to undergo a by pass surgery for her heart is very weak (she had had a heart attack a year back or so). And she wanted to know whether she would survive this surgery.

Astrologically she is running a bad period hence I asked her to be very careful. I asked her to consult at least 4-5 doctors before going in for the surgery, because these days we know – doctors go to any extent to make some extra money. In fact doctors had given 50 per cent chance for her survival due to surgery.

Mr H called me 2 days back, saying the doctors have failed in their operation and that Ms K might die anytime!

She is alive when I am writing this blog, but her life is like a cat on the wall!

Looking at the situation from all the angles – I indeed felt guilty about many things we do in our life with close and dear ones, when the real hard truth of life is death and that we won’t exist in a couple of years from now!

Posted by Kenni at 06:54 AM | Comments (0)

December 01, 2006

I am feeling a ‘bit’ guilty – part 2!

There was silence for few months….till I got a phone call from Mr H saying he is in love Ms P, and he wants to marry her…

When SMS screws up life for Mr H

Mr H met Ms P in their office. They became good friends, fell in love, and decided to get married. Their families agreed, and astrologically their charts matched. Things were fine, till Ms P accidentally read one of the lovey-dovey messages sent to Mr H by Ms K from Mumbai.

She got furious, and called up Ms K to understand the whole scene, and Ms K opened up completely. Ms P insisted that Mr H should also tell her everything before she decides to marry him, and our man opened up completely without leaving a single secret.

Ms P could not digest what was told to her, and asked Ms K to come down to Delhi so that they all can discuss the future course of action.

Ms P took up a weird vow that she will make Mr H marry Ms K, come what may – in spite of knowing that Ms K was elder to Mr H by 5 years, taller than Mr H by 1 foot, had a 8-year-old daughter, and that she was a divorcee.

Heated argument between me and Ms P

Mr H was totally shattered and confused with whatever has happened so far. He never thought life could be so cruel to him.

Though he liked Ms K, they had made no commitments as far as marriage is concerned, and he was in love with Ms P whom he wanted to get married to very badly - and now there was a fear of losing Ms K or Ms P or both forever. The next thing he did was - he called me…

I asked him to make Ms P talk to me. When Ms P called me she was fuming over the phone. She was blasting Mr H left, right and center. She abused him of not having the guts to marry someone he slept with, and she took a vow saying she will make him marry her come what may.

Neither Mr H told me about the sexual relationship he had had with Ms K, nor did I tell him that I came to know about the same through Ms K. I thought only I knew this part, and very innocently asked Ms P what makes her so sure that Mr H slept with Ms K – and she replied “Mr H told her.” I asked her to hand over the phone to Mr H. I asked him, why the hell did he tell about his sexual relationship with Ms K, and he replied - he had to open up completely for honesty sake.

The phone was passed on to Ms P now. I asked her, just because he slept with another woman, does that mean he has to marry her? That way many men under the planet will be married to someone else and not their wives. She said not because he slept with her but because she is pregnant! My God – that was news to me. I asked her to hand over the phone to Mr H again….

I asked him, when did that happen, and he said 10 days back Ms K was in Delhi, and she had insisted to have sex with him. I asked him didn’t you have the brain to use a condom? He said he never expected sex that night. And till date he was not sure whether he leaked inside her or outside. (In fact it was later I came to know that Ms K was impregnated before too – and they both had decided to abort the child)

My voice obviously had toned down a lot, and my new argument with Ms P was – just because Mr H had slept with Ms K and just because Ms K is pregnant – does that mean he has to marry her when there was no committed from both the end? And she plainly said, YES. He has to be responsible for the kid. I could say nothing but divert the conversation to a new topic.

I asked Ms P now that Mr H and YOU have also had sex already, does that mean he has to marry you too? She was shocked for a while, and started stammering. She had the slightest idea that Mr H would have told me this secret about their relationship. I asked her just because you were not impregnated does that mean you can walk away from the relationship unscathed – when there was a committed of marriage between you both? She didn’t have many words to coin….

I said your vow of getting Mr H married to Ms K is perfectly fine, but then what about you? You will remain unmarried? She said, no. She will marry someone else whom her parents select for her. In that case I asked her – will you tell your ‘would be’ that you have already slept with another man before marriage? She said it depends. I said that is exactly what Mr H did now. He slept with Ms K and didn’t tell you, you slept with Mr H and are not going to tell to someone whom you are going to marry in future. So where is the difference?

For the sake of argument, she said that she will tell everything beforehand to the guy she is going to get married in future. And I ended up the conversation saying – I will leave my profession as an astrologer if someone in India marries you in spite of you telling him that you slept with some else before marriage!

To be continued….

Posted by Kenni at 06:24 AM | Comments (0)

November 30, 2006

I am feeling a ‘bit’ guilty – part 1!

Just sitting in the commentary box, and giving gyaan about the on going match doesn’t help all the time. Sometimes for special person and on special occasion you need to pad up yourself and go down to take the role of a night watchman to handle the innings before it is too late. That is exactly what I did when I was subjected to the most tricky and complicated problem relating to human relationship a couple of months back….

This episode revolves around four individuals, whose name I would keep it as a secret. ‘H’ is the man, ‘K’ is the woman, ‘P’ is another woman and Me is the astrologer as usual!

Who is ‘H’?

I met him in my previous organization. He was a cool headed, young and a very dynamic individual, very hardworking, and a good companion to hang around with. He had consulted me for a job change, and thankfully he was able to join an organization of his liking very soon. He had good regards for astrology, and it worked perfectly for him through me. Once he said, he has a friend who wants to consult me. I said bring him and we will do the reading, and he said it is a she and not he.

I was introduced to Ms ‘K’

I checked K’s horoscope and it had major affliction astrologically. She was 5 years elder to Mr H, she had one 8-year-old daughter, and she was divorced and separated from her husband. All through she had a tragic life. Her husband used to abuse & beat her, and her father once tried to sell her to a pimp, and her brother would bug her for money.

When she met me she was bothered only about a good career, and a good life for her daughter. God’s grace, she got a job exactly in the date range I had told her astrologically.

When Mr H met Ms K

H and K used to work together in an organization, and existed as mere acquaintances till K was admitted in a hospital for a health problem. There was none who could take care of Ms K, and also she didn’t have enough money for the medical bills. Mr H out of goodwill took loans from his friends, and helped Ms K at the right moment. When H met K, she was already separated from her husband and her father and brother continued to torture her. Our man got into the scene, and made sure that her father and brother don’t come into the picture at all. And he succeeded. For extra security – Mr H and Ms K – decided to live together as friends in a single apartment.

When I asked Mr H - whether he had sex with Ms K?

Astrologically I saw a weird life pattern in Ms K’s horoscope. The interpretation was - in life she will always have problems through men, and also men will have problems through her. Hence on a friendly note – I told Mr H that, he has to be very careful about the relationship he has got into now. I asked him – whether he has had sex with her, and he refused openly. He said, it was just good friendship. This particular relationship was a serious jolt to my conviction that no man and woman can have a 100 per cent platonic relationship. I was invited for a dinner to their house once, and they both had come to my house for a dinner too. Things looked very rosy….

When Ms K confined to me - that they had sex!

H got a new assignment in Delhi and he had to move out – both from house and the relationship. Also K got a new assignment in Mumbai, and she moved out too. After a month or so, Ms K called me to ask – whether she can get married to Mr H astrologically. The first question I asked her was – did you guys have sex? And she said - yes, many a times. May be Mr H was too shy to agree when I asked him - my conviction about non-existence of platonic relationship became stronger. I said you have very less chance of getting married to Mr H. She was a bit disappointed, but she said – she wants Mr H to be happy wherever he is.

There was silence for few months….till I got a phone call from Mr H saying he is in love Ms P, and he wants to marry her…

To be continued.....

Posted by Kenni at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2006

Small things that affects you a lot!

This particular blog might sound a bit cheap to many, but for few it might make immense sense…

An Italian massager based in Chennai, a very good friend of mine, buzzed me on Yahoo Messenger yesterday. She sounded a bit confused, and wanted to clarify something important with me. I thought she had some astrological queries on her mind but it was something else altogether. In fact a good friend of her’s (an Indian) complained about a back pain, and booked an appointment with her for a massage. She readily accepted and took an hour off from her daughter and completed a one-hour massage. After the massage was over, the friend thanked her, sat for a while, and pushed off saying a clean Good Night! Our lady was completely confused - what about the payment?

She was a bit uncomfortable asking him right on the face because she thought he might pay on his own. Also she didn’t ask because she thought he would have forgotten and will pay later. The next day morning she sent a SMS to him saying – you forgot to pay, and since then there is no communication from his side! This is when she buzzed me to ask – is this normal in India? What else can I do – I just laughed!

Not only with her, this kind of incident happens with all who take up service as their career – like doctors, teachers, massagers, spiritual teachers and astrologers, where in there is no physical product involved. People tend to take the value of ‘TIME’ for granted, and there are many who feel that they are doing a favour by consulting these professionals!

It is true that there are many arts that should not be done for money alone. But then the world will be a beautiful place, if these service providers are given free homes to live, free monthly groceries, and free vehicles to travel. If that was true – free consultation will always be on the top priority for these professionals. The house owner never considers your profession on the 30th, the grocery store guy never gives you a packet of biscuit for free, and a delayed bill is never exempted of fine just because you are a doctor!

I remember an incident when a multi millionaire would visit my teacher every 2nd Saturday. He will come in a good high-end car, consult my teacher for an hour or so, and then while leaving would say – So Gopal, last month I had to give you Rs 1000 add Rs 200 to it. My teacher would coolly say ‘fine’ without a sign of irritation on his face. I got damn pissed off once – I asked my teacher - “how could you let him go? Does he think you have no other work in life but to counsel him?” And my teacher said, “he thinks he fooled me, but there is someone called God who will fool him.”

In my initial period of career as an astrologer, I never used to charge anyone because I used to enjoy doing the reading it is another story that none bothered to pay me. Then I thought I would never have a specified fees for consultation rather I will let the people to decide - and I got Rs 11 as my first consultation fees in 2004. I saw when given a choice – not many pay more than Rs 100 per chart per consultation per hour! It was then I fixed Rs 500 per chart per consultation per hour – which people don’t mind either!

There was another confusion, which persisted for long. Should I charge my friends & how much? Should I charge my relatives & how much? Should I charge strangers & how much? Or Should I charge acquaintances & how much? And should I do free readings also? There were two things I learnt as time progressed – that expectation is the mother of all fuck ups, and that I can sell myself for cheap but I will never sell astrology for cheap!

It was then I charted a model for myself, which might be useful for someone who takes up service as his/her new career in future –

The things I decided -

*I will not expect anything from GOOD/CLOSE friends, if they pay – it is just a bonus – because I value friendship more than anything else

*I will leave the choice to them (they can pay whatever they feel right) if they are acquaintances, or client turned friends, or referral sent by my friends

*I will be very particular about fees with complete strangers (who might eventually turn into acquaintances or close friends later)

*I will do free readings only for those who cannot afford me, who are jobless, and who are in a bad shape financially (this again depends – if they come in a car and then say they are financially down this rule doesn’t apply). And I will do free readings only for those whom I feel I should - and this depends on various factors like – his/her behavior with the astrologer & his amount of belief in astrology & God.

*And with relatives – I will do a reading and ask them to donate some amount to temples. This way neither I get embarrassed taking the fees nor do I do it for free!

I told my massager friend that I am going to blog about this topic today, and she said please do so that she can SMS the URL to her friend!

Moral of the story – Time is precious – literally!

Posted by Kenni at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2006

Wish you a very Happy Diwali!

Askenni.com wishes all its readers, believers, non-believers, critics and haters a very Happy & Safe Diwali. Spend more time with people than with computers this year & burst as much crackers as possible!

Posted by Kenni at 02:09 PM | Comments (0)

October 15, 2006

Extra Marital Affair – part 2!

I admire Lakshmana more than Lord Ram. He left his wife for his brother (a real sign of sacrifice), he never even saw Sita’s face (may be he thought he might get attracted to her being without sex for long in the jungle), and even when he got an opportunity to have sex from the opposite (Shurpanakha asking for a quickie) he refused and cut off her nose! Lakshamana also had a siddhi (miraculous ability) which most people never had till BPOs came into being. He could stay awake all through nights and go sleepless for days together!
Well that is not the topic of discussion it was about extra marital affairs…

Extra marital affairs happen in both the genders equally though the society always blames the men. I know equal number of men and women who have extra marital affairs. The only problem is men are dumb and get caught easily, while women are very intelligent and escape unscathed.

It is not that one fine morning people (both men and women) decide to get a bit gutsy and start having an affair or relationship outside marriage. It just happens. Someone walks into our lives; create ripples and walks out after creating enough problems. We don’t have much control over it. You can blame it on bad karma or good karma or you can blame it on the planets. But if caught – it is considered to be a complete breach of trust! May be Jesus Christ forgot to add a line to one of his commandments – love thy neighbour, but never get caught!

Breach of trust happens in all the relationships, but people don’t get separated or start hating someone for it. We never told our parents when we sipped our first beer, we never told our parents when we saw our first blue film, we never told our parents when we bunked lectures & went for a movie, we never told our parents when we fell in love, we never told our siblings when we had our first sex – they are all breach of trust. Even if we were caught – I am sure we would have got a good hitting, but then the relationship would have never broken. You cannot say this is different and that is different. Like Anniyan (Aparichit) says you steal Paise 5 or 5 crores – theft remains a theft.

Basically all human beings hide many things and expose only few things to many people in slots. It is better that way. There is no necessity for anyone to remain open like a book to everyone – it can only create problems.

When I met Shiva Shankar Baba (Kelambakam, Chennai) for the first time I asked him, “what do you feel about people having multiple partners?”. And he said beautifully, “there is nothing wrong. But see to it you don’t hurt any soul in the process”. Makes absolute sense. We don’t open up many a times – because we don’t want to hurt the other person in the process. If someone looks like a monkey, we don’t walk across to tell him he looks like one, just because we want to be considered honest, frank or upfront.

Not all are prone to extra marital affairs. But few of course are. The people who never had an extra marital affair are not the people – who got attracted to someone sometime, the other person also reciprocated encouragingly, and our man/woman avoided just because he wanted to remain honest to his partner. He/she is just one who never had an opportunity - that’s all.

I know men would agree but women would not agree to this – show me one married woman who finds her husband more attractive or handsome than Shahrukh Khan, Surya, Hrithik Roshan or any of the celebrities. I am not saying women are in love with them, and given a choice they will leave their husbands and walk out with their favourite stars. But what if these celebrities live in your neighbourhood, with ample amount of time for communication and conversation – there of course is a chance of an intimate relationship!

Just because you have a low semen count, a bad sexual appetite, and an erectile dysfunction – you cannot argue that you have more control over sex and women. If that reasons were taken into consideration then eunuchs and impotent men would get enlightened faster than us.

Living in Chennai I should not take pride in my sexual control because I never been to have a sandwich massage. I didn’t go, because there are no places out here. If I were in Bangkok without a partner, had a good hard on, had enough money on hand, found a massage parlour near by with pics of hot chicks showcased, and if I still avoided going just because I don’t want to violate the trust my partner has on me. Then probably I am a saint in the truest sense, or else a normal human being.

I had a friend (who follows Islam). He always used to talk about Islam, Mohammed, sin & virtues, till he was India. He went abroad, the first place he landed was a strip club! He hardly talks about Islam these days.

Might be continued…..

Posted by Kenni at 07:06 AM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2006

Extra marital affair – part 1!

Lord Ram should have had a very bad horoscope astrologically. Here are few astrological jargons and the effect of them on him.

His 4th house/lord of mother would have been afflicted (bad planetary placement) hence he had problems through his mother (Step mother Kaiki, who asked her husband Dashrath to send him to exile).

He would have had affliction for 9th house/lord for father – hence bad luck through father (Dashrath sent him to 14 years exile).

His 2nd house/lord of wealth would have been afflicted – hence was not a King in spite of having all the necessary qualities.

His 3rd house/lord of siblings would have been afflicted – hence had problems through siblings. (Bharat took away his slippers to make him barefooted, while Lakshman cut off Shoorpanakha’s nose, which started troubles for Lord Ram).

His 7th house/lord of marriage would have been afflicted – hence Sita didn’t listen to him. She forced Ram to take her with him. Secondly Sita didn’t listen to her brother in law, crossed the Lakshman rekha, and was kidnapped by Ravana. If Sita had listened to his husband and stayed at home, there would have not been an epic called Ramayana. Also after returning from the 14 years exile, Sita was put through Agni Pariksha and again sent to exile. So Ram hardly lived with Sita, there was always physical separation between them.

Ram should have also had his 5th house/lord of children also afflicted. His children were born away from him, and finally he had to wage a war with his sons Luv & Kush.

9th lord/house and 5th lord/house also stand for punyas you do and lineage you set before you die. That way Lord Ram has set a bad lineage, which is being carried over by BJP & RSS in the name of Ram Janm bhoomi Babri Masjid issue. Problem for others even after death…..

Lord Ram is revered because he was the best example of an ideal man and also because he was considered to be ek patni vratha (a man of one woman). May be on the same basis – the Hindu marriage act or law was formulated – one man should have only one wife. An experiment to make all the men Rams.

According to physics ideal gas doesn’t exist in reality. They were formulated just to derive few conclusions or used as a subject to relate. In the same way I strongly feel ideal men or women don’t exist. They are just illusions we create around ourselves. If someone puts me in a jungle for 14 years with one woman, I am sure even I would be a man of one woman as there are no other options left.

To be continued……

Posted by Kenni at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2006

You better don’t waste your money buying yantras!

Before I get into this interesting subject about yantras Click Here to see some deadly pictures of me.
Astrologically yantras are gadgets that help reduce your bad karma, and help you attain all that you desire for – both on the material & spiritual plain. The most common yantras available in the markets are – gems, copper/silver/gold plates, and rudrakshas. Whoever deals with it or sells it – will always say what he sells is genuine and what others sell is fake ones. With the boom in the Internet industry, most of the websites related to astrology & spirituality have also started selling Yantras like FMCG products. I really wish - if my past life bad karma gets vanished by investing in a Lux soap!

I don’t say that these yantras are useless and they don’t work. They do work. But there are many tedious processes involved in it, before you start using them.

Though many a websites promise of charging the yantras through spiritual energies, prayers or meditation, most of the yantras you will buy will have no results. (if you have invested in a yantra, and also if it has worked for you – kindly mail me the details at kennedig@yahoo.com).

If you have a headache, and if I take a tablet, will you be cured? Karmic rules are similar to this example. None except YOU yourself can solve your karmic connections. Though Ramana Maharishi was a saint of highest caliber, he suffered from Cancer. Why was that? In fact he had to go through the karmic sufferings of his past life, no matter what.

Of course there are people who can reduce your bad karma. There are many instances where Satya Sai Baba has taken over others sufferings, including diseases like Cancer, and cured them. In that case – you should be very close to your master or the master should like you as a person, and should be happy with your performances.

Here is the a glimpse into the process of charging your gadget – before you wear or use a talisman or gadget, you should go on a COMPLETE abstinence for at least 48 days (the number of days depends on what exactly you want).

Complete abstinence means – no sex, no non veg, no booze, no smoking, no meeting people, no movies, no entertainments, no TV, only 2 clothes to change, no eating out, no shaking hands with people, avoiding crowd, sleeping on floor, bathing in cold water, skipping at least 1 meal, eating only half stomach, no shaving, no traveling, and on top of it you should be able to chant a particular mantra for 1,25,000 times in 48 days keeping the gadget in front of a deity or God’s photo.

1, 25,000 in 48 days means 3-4 hours of chanting everyday. And if you miss a single day, the next day becomes the first day. Now this is one of the processes to charge 1 gadget, for 1 single purpose.

Now logically will the websites or the person who sells gadgets to you undergo this process to sell you the gadget? Has anybody have so much time in life that he will go on total abstinence to charge YOUR gadget? The easier way is to keep some 100-200 gadgets in front of the deity, and chant the mantra for 9 times that is all. Can those gadget have the power to change your destiny?!! You better don’t waste your money buying gadgets!

Posted by Kenni at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2006

Happy Independence Day!

Crocodiles are territorial, so are human beings. Dogs piss around to mark its boundaries and we have barbwires and LOCs. The love towards once own land, a natural animalistic tendency, in a polished language is called patriotism. India celebrates its 59th Independence Day today and in these years we have done enough damage to India – thanks to democracy, the corrupt politicians, and thanks to all of us as individuals. We started as a developing country, and we still are developing, and will remain developing… I guess!

The effortless and the easiest way to prove our worth as Indians is to wear a cotton cloth today, hoist the flag, and sing the national anthem, even if we don’t understand what it really means, and forget about Indianess for the rest of the 364 ¼ days. Or the other way is to become a NRI and listen to Swades’s song while driving.

We have been trained to have New Year resolutions, which we predictably break in the very first month itself. So this year, for a change, let us have few Independence Day resolution, so that these small changes could bring big different at least in the next decade….

*Use hands free while riding/driving. You could be an expert rider, but the people who follow you think you are a brainless nut. That too when you talk over the phone keeping your head tilted on a bike!

*You could be literate or illiterate - it doesn’t matter. You have all the rights to chew pan masalas but try not to spit, as if you vomit, on public roads, or at least don’t spit at the traffic signals.

*Don’t think you are the smartest, and the person you reached the counter first is a dumb asshole. Try coming in queue. If there ain’t any queue, try forming it. This resolution applies to all those educated and hype crowd who go to watch movies in multiplexes like Satyam Theatres.

*Give preference to pedestrians.

*You could be a Gujarathi, and could be even proud to be one. Doesn’t matter. But when you talk to people or over the phone, see to it that only you and the other person hear the conversation. Let not the world know what you are talking.

*Indian electronic items sucks, agreed. But at least use Indian clothes.

*Don’t bargain with a vegetable vendor or a flower seller.

*It is perfectly OK if you don’t pay your taxes properly, but then donate 10 per cent of your income or profit to the needy – so that in the next 10 years at least, not a single Indian child goes to sleep empty stomach. Try NOT to donate to organization like CRY – they spend most money in flying their representatives!

*Don’t work for more than 8 hours.

*Watch less TV, especially news channels like NDTV or Times Now or Aaj Tak et al, and spend more time with self, friends, family, nature, and God.

*An important resolution for Corporates – don’t exploit employers. And employees don’t get exploited.

*Respect Indian culture, Indian values, Indian arts, and Indian artisans.

*Drink, but don’t get drunk for drink in measure is a pleasure.

*Don’t celebate life, celeRate it.

These are few easy changes that we can bring which could possibly make us feel proud to be Indians!

Posted by Kenni at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

June 06, 2006

Cure yourself – part 2

Human body has a natural device of curing itself from most diseases. And fever is an inbuilt defense mechanism that rises our body temperature to put an end to the trouble causing micro organism. But when the body temperature keeps increasing or goes beyond a certain point – it proves fatal in some cases. Hence fever in one way is good – it makes you take rest, and also does the cleansing from the inside.

I read it somewhere that – the holes in the flute of Lord Krishna symbolizes the holes that are present in a human body. If the flow of air, energy, blood and life force are in harmony with nature through these holes – human body will never have ill health, and can live a longer and stronger life. Hence the first step towards good health is good food and good excretion. If you have a disciplined pattern in this, you will never fall sick. You would have noticed that when you fall ill, the first thing is you lose your appetite and also you start having bowel dysfunction.

Fasting once in 15 days is an ideal bet to service your body like you service your vehicles and most of the doctors will scare you of stomach ulcers if you fast, ignore them blindly!

I used to have this dust allergy, and I would sneeze upto some 75 to 100 times in 5 minutes or so. I thought the best and the easy way of curing it was to have few Actifed, and sleep off. I kept doing it, and I wanted a permanent solution for the same. One of my brothers in law asked me to drink 1 litre of water every morning before brushing the teeth. He said if you do that you will be cured in 3 months. And it did happen. Now it should be at least 3-4 years that I got allergic to dust…that too in a place like Chennai! (Catch my collar if your dust allergy is not cured if you follow exactly what is said – 1 litre of plain water every morning before brushing your teeth).

With time, we tend to understand our body better, and we start discovering new ways of curing ourselves. Not always does medicine helps us, and after a while we normally lose trust in doctors. Mahatma Gandhi in his books says, the best cure to any disease is Ramanama (chanting the name of God), and he adds there is no harm in dying taking the name of God! And he is so true….

Here are few cures for common ailments –

*For pimples & bruises – apply your own spit, and I mean it. Spit even will take out the pimple marks. (Haven’t you seen animals licking their wounds? It is the best God given ointment)

*To arrest loose motion – chew some pomegranate skin and drink a glass of butter milk for immediate relief

*For body aches – buy a naturally made mat (not a synthetic or plastic mat), put it on the floor and sleep. Most of your body pain will vanish in 1 week.

*If your energy is completely drained after busy shopping or after meeting a lot of