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March 24, 2009
My spiritual journey so far – part 3!
Someone told me that you could improve your English language skills and also your vocabulary if you read a lot of novels. I wanted to start reading but was completely clueless about where to start. Unfortunately I started off with Mills and Boons series, and till date I could not find anything more useless than them under the sun.
I shifted to Sydney Sheldon in no time, took some 1 month to complete the Doomsday Conspiracy, another 2 months to read half of Nothing Lasts Forever, and I never touched his books again. The truth was - these novels weren’t providing me anything. And I never wanted to spend my time on something that isn’t useful forever.
I had heard about Osho Rajneesh, when I was very young, and someone who spoke about him had commented that all his disciples walk around nude in his ashram. I wasn’t bothered to do a research on him then. I think I also remember the time, when he died (1990).
He never had any influence on me, and I never cared about Osho till a close friend of mine handed me a book that was published by his commune. She (my friend) had already ignited the spark! And the spark spread like a wild fire.
I became a voracious reader in a day, and could complete reading Osho’s books in no time. Sometimes 2-3 books in a day. And I think now I have read almost all his books. Reading was slowly becoming a hobby. And to whichever book exhibition I went, I would cast my eyes on Osho’s books, and buy them immediately, and complete them in a day. My library started flourishing. And all my spiritual questions were getting answered one by one.
My inclination towards spirituality was getting a new hope, and I had to wait till the age of 21, to find my first calling. Osho’s book inspired and influenced me a lot. But then without my knowledge, I was on a trip, where in I started imitating him. I forgot to understand that after learning there is a process of unlearning too. And unlearning Osho was another journey I had yet to start.
Posted by Kenni at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)
March 09, 2009
My spiritual journey so far – part 2!
I studied well, scored average marks, and thankfully never failed in any of subjects in my life. I was happy with my education, my father was happy too. But then there was always a vacuum lingering in my mind – and I never could understand what this vacuum was. The world was too fast and the world was too materialistic for me to understand what I really wanted in my life.
When people around me asked me about what kind of girl would I want to marry in life - I would always say – I will never get married, I want to be a sanyasi instead. Well I think most people when young answer the same - but then I was a lot serious about it.
I admired lives of Jesus Christ and also Shirdi Sai Baba and wanted a life like theirs, but on the other side I was getting attracted to girls. Since long, I don’t know when exactly, I had decided that – whomsoever I like – I will be the first to propose or at least create an situation where I become irresistible. I proposed to the first girl when I was just 16 and I think she was 14. She refused to accept me then, and recently I came to know that girl has become a prostitute due to family circumstances. Well a story that can be made into a movie I am sure.
The episodes of attraction, and love, and relationships continued and still continues… In fact I have never fallen in love with anyone at first site - rather I fall in love with every girl the first time I talk to them. And this still continues. But after a while my head convinces my heart to keep a safe distance - thankfully.
Education was happening, life was going on well when suddenly I happened to meet someone who triggered what was lying dead in my heart for long. It was our college Hindi professor (V Suresh) who gave me the first dose of ‘philosophy’, which eventually gave me the first kick of ‘spirituality.’ Most of the students hated him hence I refused to accept that I liked him. I secretly admired him, and always looked forward for his class – and never missed a single class of his.
My professor’s presence had prompted me to ask a lot of ‘questions,’ and now I had to find someone who would answer all my questions….and it happened too…
Posted by Kenni at 03:13 PM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2009
My spiritual journey so far – part 1!
Being born to a Hindu father and a Christian mother I always had a choice to select my own religion. My father had a separate puja room – with photos of Ganapthy, Lord Shiva et al and my mom had a separate one – which had photos of Jesus, Mother Mary and St Antony. Well for me – the different colorful photos mattered only during my exam times. I always had one prayer on mind – “let me not forget whatever I have studied” – and thankfully I never did.
After their marriage - neither my dad insisted my mom to change her belief system, nor my mother wanted my father to change his religion for the sake of love. There were 1000 other reasons but religion was never a cause for fight between them. They existed in harmony as far as religion was concerned.
My father never spoke about religion to me, he never made me fold my hands in front of the God, and never forced temples upon me. But my mom being a staunch Christian baptized me without my father’s knowledge and I was named ‘John G Kennedi.’ So according to Church’s records my name is John G Kennedi, which was never used for legal reasons. And I am always referred to as a Hindu in all the certificates and documents I possess.
When I rewind my life – I don’t remember whether it was sex or religion that hit my mind first. May be they both hit me at the same time. I was a lot into self-talking, and self-analysis from the day I remember myself. But till then never knew or understood the presence of God.
I was wearing Shirdi Sai Baba’s ring for few years after I visited Shirdi when young, and later was wearing Mother Mary’s ring after visiting Velankanni. And sometime they were both in my hands together. In fact I felt a lot comfortable with those rings in my hand.
My father was a terror, and in my life – I have been never been scared to anyone or anything more than my dear father. I remember when I used to pee my pants when he yelled at me. But then those were the days – when fathers were respected more than being loved. I never had any hobby, never was into any extra-curricular activities, and never played much either. I was an obedient son – studied nothing else than those useless subjects.
At schools when we were asked about hobbies and our likings, a lot of guys would say reading was their hobby. But till I completed my 12th – I had never read any book apart from my subject books. I could not imagine how reading could become a possible hobby!
To be continued….
Posted by Kenni at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)