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June 19, 2004
Father, dear father!
June 15th was my dad’s birthday and I forgot to call him. I regret that I never belonged to the generation where fathers treat their children as friends. My father was always a terror, and we (my 2 elder sisters and me) hardly would speak to him. My mom was a mediator always, and everything would reach him through her - whether it’s about a new dress we want or it is about going on a school picnic.
I wasn’t close to my dad at all. To be honest, his presence at home always frightened me. It doesn’t mean I never wanted him, just that I wasn’t comfortable with him at all. He had a stern voice, and always expected discipline. I don’t remember a single instance when I refused to take his orders. One of the few things I did even when I hated them was to get him a pack of cigarette (Capstan filter when 5, and Wills filter when 17) at 7 AM on Sunday mornings.
I am 30 now, and am sure if I calculate I would have not interacted with him even for more than 10 hours or I should say 15 hours maximum. There was no verbal communication whatsoever and we existed on the basis of body language. That surely doesn’t mean there was nothing between. There indeed was an emotion attached to our relationship, which changed with time - I feared him when I was a kid, I hated him when I was in my adolescence, I respected him when I was 25, and I love him when I am 30.
The 10-hour conversation meant a lot to me. His advice, which made no sense when I was a kid, makes absolute sense when I myself am a father today.
Few things he told me that became a part of the philosophies I follow day in day out.
“Education is what I can give you, rest everything is your call.” And today it is the education he gave us, which is feeding me.
“If you copy or steal, do it in such a way that you never will get caught”. He got a sealed matchbox, and asked us to take out the sticks without breaking the seal. We failed. He pressed the matchbox from the sides, and the sticks fell out. His explanation was ‘none would bother to count the number sticks in a matchbox, and also if you take 5 sticks from 10 boxes, you already have created 1 matchbox.’
He always said, “Try to stick to the truth. If you lie, you have to tell some 1000 lies to justify the first one. So, better not to lie and complicate lives.”
“Never ask God for a fair & beautiful children, just ask for a normal kid. Being normal is the biggest blessing God can shower on you”. I am reminded of my father words each time my 2-year-old daughter runs to me to hug me after am back from my office.
“Respect elders and look after them when they are old. You never know how fast your life will go, and you will be old one day too”.
My parents today stay some 1000 kms away from me. He was busy man once upon a time, and my mom would remind him about our birthdays. Today he is retired, and never misses to give us a call on our birthdays. Their lives revolves around us and our phone calls make a lot of difference to their life. And I honestly wonder if I am justified for not giving him a call just because I was busy with my schedule?
Happy Fathers Day!
Posted by Kenni at June 19, 2004 08:47 AM